Fox News: Remembering loved ones lost to Alzheimer's disease during the holidays
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https://www.fox13news.com/news/remembering-loved-ones-lost-alzheimers-disease-during-holidays
TAMPA, Fla. - Every year, about 500,000 people are diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
Melissa in front of her angel tree honoring her mother and father.
For many, the holidays are a key time when many families may notice declines in their loved ones. That was the case for Melissa Kay, whose mother died from Alzheimer's disease in May.
"My mom was my hero. She was feisty and funny and loving," Melissa said.
Kathy M. was just 74 when she lost her battle with Alzheimer's disease in May.
Kathy was a mom of two and a passionate high school teacher who taught home economics for over 35 years.
"Someone would come across her and say, I was your student. You taught me how to bake lasagna or cookies, and I still do that now as a grown-up," Melissa said of her mother.
A photo of Kathy and Melissa in Melissa's home.
Melissa, who's a nurse, says a few years ago, she started to notice cognitive decline in her mother.
Kathy began repeating stories and forgetting conversations, and Melissa said when she visited her for Christmas in 2021, it was clear her mother was experiencing symptoms of Alzheimer's disease.
A medical diagnosis confirmed Melissa’s fear that her mother was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.
Melissa viewing a photo of her mother
"Nothing was decorated. The tree wasn't out. She wasn't cooking cookies. We weren't talking about our plans for food, for dinner, for Christmas," Melissa said. "We weren't talking about any of that."
Melissa eventually left her nursing career to care for her mother full-time.
"I felt so alone and so isolated because my mom was declining so quickly," Melissa said.
That's when Melissa says a friend introduced her to the Florida chapter of the Alzheimer's Association, where she found key resources and participated in support groups.
Alzheimer's disease is a brain disorder that gradually destroys memory, thinking skills, and the ability to perform everyday tasks.
"If she would get frustrated or she would act out or have a mood swing or sundowners," Melissa explained. "I kept telling myself, It's the disease. It's not my mom. It's the disease. It's not my mom. And that really helped me to cope."
In honor of Melissa’s first Christmas without her mother and father, who passed away in 2000, she set up an angel tree in her dining room.
For families with loved ones who have Alzheimer's disease, Melissa says always be one step ahead and know the signs to look for in that next phase before it happens.
"I would ask her yes and no questions, and that really helped because you ask an Alzheimer's patient open-ended questions; they really don't know how to answer them," Melissa said. "The last thing you want to do is shame them."
Melissa encourages families needing help to seek out resources from the Alzheimer's Association.
She says connecting with others who are going through the same thing helped her know she's not alone.
"All grief is the love that you have for that person that you can express to them and know that grief and joy can coexist at the same time," Melissa said.
